i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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