Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
