Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
