I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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