my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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