Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
