The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would ride that face into the sunset
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize