dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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