If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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