I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
