I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I pour the whiskey from now on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
