Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
