OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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