He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
