You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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