I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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