the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
