I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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