good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
