I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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