There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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