Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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