Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
