I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
