if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
