we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
