In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
