His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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