Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How does it feel to date your dad?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
