plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
