i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
