Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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