I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he had hair everywhere except his balls
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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