I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
