I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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