just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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