I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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