you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
