guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
