please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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