we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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