So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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