my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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