yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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