Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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