The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
