I wish I could punch you in the face.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
