How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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