Your tits are I can't wait for
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
