What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
